Attack all you want pro-choicers; I had an abortion and am pro-life because of it.
A few weeks ago, I told a personal story about abortion and how it has affected my choice to be Pro-Life. It was a difficult story to tell and I was very nervous about the backlash I would get from others on both sides of the spectrum, including my own friends and family. However, I felt compelled to publish my experience with abortion, regardless, because of the emotions that the Kermit Gosnell case stirred in me. I felt people should know that there are some women who chose abortion and regretted that choice. I wanted people to know that the choice to abort is not just a “fix all” that many in the pro-choice movement would like everyone to believe. The consequences of seeking an abortion are not just financial or social setbacks. Abortion can lead to, for many, mental and emotional pain that is difficult to handle, especially for those of us that bury the guilt deep inside of them to avoid having to think about what we have done.
Over the past 12 years, I had only told two people about my abortion because I didn’t want anyone to know. I realize, now, that it was a mistake to keep it secret because it was just waiting to come to the surface at the mere mention of a case such as the Gosnell horrors. I became obsessed with the case and the falsehoods being perpetuated by the feminist and pro-choice groups that women who chose to enter Gosnell’s clinic were forced to do so because of the lack of availability of safe, legal abortions earlier in pregnancy. I began my own campaign, via Twitter and my blog, against the lies being told about abortion.
Yesterday, weeks after my story was published and receiving overwhelming support from my friends, family, and others on social media, I noticed a spike in the views of my blog post. I was, instantly, curious what had happened that so many had been directed to my story within the span of an hour or two. I found out that it had been shared, with my permission of course, on the Facebook page for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign.
The SNMA is a group of men, women, family and friends who have either had an abortion or been affected by abortion negatively and want to help others understand the ramifications that pro-choice groups ignore or hide. There are thousands of women who feel like I do and have shared their stories as well. I shared my story with them the day after I posted it on my blog and thought nothing else of it. Yesterday, hundreds of SNMA followers and members read my story and showed me that my fear of being looked down upon by other pro-life advocates was unwarranted. I thank everyone who left kind and compassionate comments for me and showed their support. Some even told me their own story of loss, guilt, and healing after having an abortion. I am comforted by the fact that I am not alone and can turn to others, who have been in my position, for help dealing with the emotional and mental problems that can arise from abortion.
Now, on the other side of this story, I found that some in the pro-choice movement are not happy about women like me coming forward to speak out against abortion after having made the choice to have one. Shortly after posting my story, I received comments from a pro-choice activist and feminist, Lisa, that I had encountered on Twitter before. She had made some very disturbing comments about her right to abort in the past but this time she seemed to approve of my decision and attempted to help justify my choice by placing blame on the circumstances or the military. I thanked her for her comments and left it at that. However, I found out that Lisa would use my abortion to attempt to guilt or humiliate me into changing my belief that abortion is wrong. Lisa responded to almost every abortion comment I made on Twitter with comments that asked how I could say that when I had had an abortion myself or how come you didn’t do what you are asking other women to do, etc. What Lisa wasn’t understanding is that I do not use my own experience to be hypocritical; I use it to explain to others that abortion is not and should not be the only solution made available to women who are in similar situations. I use my experience to help women understand that an abortion is not just a physical procedure; it affects you mentally and emotionally. Lisa, though, is not having it and thinks that since I made the choice to abort, 12 years ago, I should understand and advocate for others to have that same choice. Well, Lisa, I won’t! I have been there, in the position of having to make a difficult choice and choosing to dodge responsibility for my actions. Abortion may have allowed me to avoid embarrassment at the beginning of my military career. It may have allowed me to meet and marry my husband and have my daughter. It did not, however, allow me to live a life free from regret or guilt. I live everyday with the knowledge that I had a life inside of me and I killed it. That is what abortion did for me. Yes, I was a proud soldier and have a wonderful husband and daughter in spite of my irresponsible actions back then but at great personal cost.
Lisa and her friend Shannon also began a tirade about the hypocrisy of the pro-life movement by showing compassion and forgiveness to those who have had an abortion and regret it but not showing that same compassion toward those who have had an abortion with no regrets. I assure these two, and any others who feel this way, that people like me and those that I know, don’t feel contempt or anger toward women who choose abortion and have no, admitted, regrets. I think what Lisa and Shannon are seeing is that we are angry at the pro-choice movement for claiming that there is nothing wrong with abortion and that it is no more serious than having a tooth pulled. Pro-choice advocates like Lisa think abortion should be available to any woman, any time during pregnancy, at no cost to them, without restriction. Lisa, vehemently, defends a woman’s right to abort at 6 weeks or 6 months and claims there is no difference between the two. Lisa also believes that a “fetus” (baby) is a parasite that uses the body of a woman to survive and it is the right of that woman whether to allow the baby to continue to feed on the mother’s body.
Alternatively, while I accept that abortion is legal in most states and nothing I say or do will end that, it should not be as easy as walking into a clinic and walking out an hour later, baby free. In my case, I had no counseling, no other options were suggested or mentioned and I was easily accommodated when I requested to not see or hear my baby on the ultrasound monitor. I went into that clinic, feeling like it was my only choice and walked out, about an hour later, feeling embarrassed, ashamed, and sick with guilt. I received no post-procedure counseling or follow-up care. I was simply told to abstain from sex for two weeks and go to the doctor if I experienced excessive bleeding or pain. That’s it. Too easy.
Our society has trivialized abortion in order to excuse its availability and use. Instead of personifying the person inside, abortion advocates try to use terms like fetus, tissue, and fetal demise instead of baby and death to describe the procedure. When it is a wanted pregnancy, doctors and parents don’t call the baby a fetus. They hear the heartbeat and watch the baby move on the monitor. Each stage of pregnancy is celebrated. Just because a pregnancy is unintended does not change what’s inside. It only changes the outcome. Pro-choice groups need to stop lying to women and using deceptive terms in order to keep women ignorant to the reality of what they are considering.
Stop making it so easy to get an abortion. Stop telling women it is, essentially, okay to use abortion in lieu of birth control. Why is it harder to get a life saving surgery than it is to get a life killing abortion? Stop allowing abortions to be performed in the secrecy of a small clinic. This “medical procedure” should only be performed by certified, hospital accredited, physicians in the safety of a hospital or medical clinic. Stop allowing women drive-thru service to abortion. Waiting periods, mandatory counseling and education, and disclosures pertinent to the stage of pregnancy and developmental stage of the baby should be required prior to obtaining an abortion. Why is it okay to allow a woman to remain ignorant about the stage of life her baby or the process used to end that life?
I’ll end this post because it has turned into a very long one and that isn’t what I originally intended.
In closing, I would like to say to any woman who finds herself in the position of having to decide whether the pregnancy she has just found out about is going to “ruin her life” if she goes through with it…Please, please, think about all of your options and ALL of the consequences behind each one before you choose abortion. While adoption may seem like a difficult choice, remember that worrying about the welfare of the baby after adoption will be much easier to deal with and manage than dealing with the knowledge that you ended that life so you could keep a job, avoid embarrassment, or financial strain. Is that really the right reason to choose death over life?
- Pro-Choice Reporter Covering Gosnell Trial Changes Mind On Abortion (visiontoamerica.com)
- Why I am Pro-Choice – and why this does not make me Anti-Life (gandhihadapoint.wordpress.com)
- Are Americans scared to be pro-life? (liveactionnews.org)